


the sunki

by noyasryuu



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, confident gay niki, confident gay sunoo, don't sexualise them they're minors omg, iland and enhypen eras, niki has a crush, panicked gay niki, panicked gay sunoo, sunki just think eachother are so talented and amazing, sunoo comforting niki, sunoo is korea's it boy, they admire eachother so much and im here for it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25987348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noyasryuu/pseuds/noyasryuu
Summary: Niki thought being on I-LAND would be simple. He's used to being the best.And he doesn't like boys. Enter Kim Sunoo, South Korea's it-boy.
Relationships: Nishimura Riki | Niki/Kim Sunoo, Park Sunghoon/Shim Jaeyoon | Jake
Comments: 77
Kudos: 306





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for all the sunki-ers because there aren't any sunki fics on ao3 as far as I know, and I know we need them !! :3 Enjoy x
> 
> (((UPDATE: I'm writing more bits for this cos you asked for it, so stay tuned! )))
> 
> also add me on twitter for more iland / multifandom ! @gaydiscoclub

Nishimura Riki was used to being the best. 

Well, okay. To clarify:

First, _at dance_ was an important addition to that claim. 

Confidence flowed off him in waves. It bled into the pulse of the music itself, made the moves _his_ , and no one could dispute that when he danced all eyes were on him. He could feel the buzz of the other trainees after he finished his part in the I-LAND entry level test, could sense the voting hands raised in approval. 

When he danced, he felt like the still point of a turning world, and that feeling tasted like freedom.

The second thing was that there’s a difference between being the best and _knowing_ you are, or could be, given the couple of extra years training others in the room usually had on him at any given time. 

But that was the whole point: Niki was there, with them, anyway. He was good enough to be called _competition_. He was good enough to be a threat. 

And he’d known this when he’d elected to compete in I-LAND. The producers would be mercurial, and the challenges would be demanding, and the other trainees- heck, his future group mates- would be talented in their own ways. 

But as long as he could dance, he’d succeed. That, and his competitive streak, would push him into the final lineup. He could even be number 1. 

He’d thought it was that simple.

The training room at I-LAND is empty at this hour. Niki doesn’t know exactly what time it is, but _too late_ seems to cover it. He flops to the floor after running through the DNA choreo for the umpteenth time, chest rising and falling rapidly, oxygen scraping through his lips. 

The mirror before him is brushed in condensation, a thin trickle of water cutting through it near where he’s sprawled. He stares as it creeps down the glass, feeling his pulse steady even as the lino floor seems to dissolve under his sticky palms. Feeling, perhaps, that he should’ve gone to bed an hour ago….

“Niki?”

The floor is solid all of a sudden. Niki’s heart lurches forward in surprise, as he glances up into the mirror wall, to find the source. 

A figure in black sweatpants and the bright yellow hoodie he’d been wearing earlier at dinner, leans against the doorframe, lips pursed. 

Niki’s gaze meets Kim Sunoo’s in the mirror. Then he twists his head around, and it’s in real life. 

“You’re still up?” says Sunoo, his voice rising. Niki can’t tell if he’s surprised or… something else— something bordering on upset. Worried. 

Niki runs a hand through his hair and looks away from the older boy. He laughs very softly- not a laugh at all really but a tattered sigh. 

“Yeah, hyung,” he replies, the honorific feeling a little more natural on his lips than it had months ago. He glances up once again at Sunoo. 

“You’re up too,” Niki adds, mustering a grin. 

Sunoo is still biting his lips in that way he does when he’s anxious, that no doubt the cameras had picked up countless times during the many intense moments of I-LAND. That was Sunoo, after all; barely ever reserved in his emotions; bright, dynamic, quick to tear up, upfront in the best way and the worst.

The thought of Kim Sunoo being worried, upset, with him makes his stomach turn. 

Then the dark-haired elder sighs too, and smiles a very small smile. “Yeah, me too,” says Sunoo. “I guess we’re both worried about the same thing, huh?” 

Niki nods. “Three days till the BTS challenge.” 

Sunoo pads towards the mirror. 

“So,” he starts casually, “How’s it going?”

He pretends to do a fouetté while looking at his reflection, like the ice skating turns Sunghoon does. Niki’s eyes are trained on him. Of course, Sunoo topples, losing his balance, giggling. 

Niki is tired… too tired…. 

He wants to get up and join Sunoo in mucking around, but instead he laughs and stares at him while a second part of him, the less fatigued, more rational part, prays Sunoo doesn’t notice the _way_ he looks at him.

“Oh, you know,” replies Niki. His Korean has improved so much since they started filming, but his accent is more pronounced with his exhaustion. “I already knew the choreo… and it’s not as hard as Fake Love,” he trails off, still watching Sunoo go over the moves to the chorus of Fake Love in the mirror, his arms rising up and snapping down at a right angle. He’s good, thinks Niki. Better than he gets credit for. 

“...But I feel like I’m gonna stuff up the connecting wave part or something.”

Sunoo flops to the floor beside him and gapes at him.

“You’re kidding right?” He states. His lips are bitten red, and his black fringe is fluffed up from spinning. 

Niki gulps. Frowns. “What?”

Sunoo shakes his head. “You guys have like… one of the most solid teams for this round in terms of dance. I mean,” he drops his hands in his lap from where they’d been fiddling. 

“K hyung, Jay-hyung, Hanbin-hyung, …. and you.”

Niki scoffs, eyes dancing as he looks at Sunoo. “I guess I’m just an afterthought huh?” 

Sunoo flails his foot out, bumping Niki’s. It reminds the younger of a moment from when they were in the Ground together, and Niki had been the one comforting Sunoo when he was unwell, not the other way around. 

“C’mon, you know that’s _not _what I meant,” says Sunoo. He pauses. “I don’t think I’ve met a better dancer than you.”__

__And yes Niki’s heard it before, but his pulse lurches anyway and it’s got nothing to do with surprise now. When Taki or Jay said the same thing, did it do that? He can’t remember._ _

__Niki laughs it off._ _

__“Says the boy ranked number 1 world wide,” he teases back._ _

__“God,” Sunoo groans, kicking him harder this time. “Not you too!”_ _

__Because yes, that explains why he feels different around Sunoo. Why he makes him oddly breathless, short of words, and it’s not just his Korean literacy. Of _course_ Sunoo is charming and likeable; the entire nation, or world, agreed. _ _

__Niki smirks, his flame of embarrassment flickering to dimness for now as he teases Sunoo._ _

__“Kim Sunoo, Korea’s It-boy!” he sings, clutching his heart with one hand._ _

__Sunoo looks at him with a challenge in his eyes. “Oh yeah?” He says. Then something shifts, and he tilts his head with a slow smile, and Niki searches his friend’s face, knowing somehow that this is dangerous._ _

__“And would _you_ have voted for me?” He bats his eyelashes and moves his head inches closer. _ _

__Niki stares at him._ _

__“I’d never vote for someone who says Save Me is their favourite BTS song,” he replies sweetly, teasingly, but his breath is short. “Idol all the way.”_ _

__Sunoo erupts into laughter and he’s back, suddenly, no longer taking up Niki’s air._ _

__“Come on,” says Sunoo, offering a hand to Niki after he’d standing himself. “Let’s go to bed.”_ _

__He should practice more. But Niki takes the hand after a moment, gulping as he does. They turn the light off in the training room, and the darkness closes like curtains around them._ _

__So yes, Niki is used to being the best. He’s used to things being simple. But maybe he was naive to think this leap towards his dreams would be so; that there wouldn’t be some catch.  
Enter Kim Sunoo, I-LAND’s It-Boy._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunki part 2 !!! brace yourself for some light angst :'(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since people wanted more (and honestly, I had already started this)..... i just love cluelessly affectionate niki who realises his feelings waaay too late to avoid embarrassment. 
> 
> basically un-beta-ed ...listen i just finished writing this now :)

The thing is Niki and Sunoo are just friends. 

Really good friends. It happened so quickly, Niki can’t quite pinpoint the moment they shifted from being friendly acquaintances in a survival show to friends who hug and rest their heads on eachothers shoulders and play footsies and hold hands. 

Perhaps it was when they were preparing for the final evaluation, and the grounders were arm wrestling during their afternoon break; Sunoo hadn’t detached his hand from Niki’s after they competed (Niki _swears_ he won, Sunoo disagrees), instead lacing their fingers together and resting it on one of his knees as they watched other boys compete. 

Of course, Sunoo was naturally affectionate, so it was nothing remarkable.

Or maybe it was earlier, during the unit evaluation, when Save Me was announced as the vocal unit song, and Niki hadn’t been able to contain himself, pointing at Sunoo, mouthing ‘you’ and grinning, feeling a thrill in his chest everytime the other boy flushed and laughed and batted away his hands. He’d shouted “Ah, stop it!” until eventually succumbing to Niki, bouncing up and down with excitement. The younger hadn’t been able to help himself from trapping Sunoo in a hug.

Or maybe it was all of those times. 

“Sunoo-hyung!” calls Niki as he skips up to the elder from behind. Before Sunoo can react, Niki flings his arms round him, half choke-hold half back-hug. 

The thing is, sometimes Niki just can’t keep his hands off Sunoo. 

Sure, he’s touchy with many of the trainees, but Sunoo in particular. 

“Ah!” Sunoo laughs, dropping the ramen seasoning sachet onto the bench. They’re in the kitchen, a day after filming Episode 1 of Part 2, which was now some time ago. 

“I’m trying to make ramen, get off me!” 

But there is no malice in Sunoo’s voice; if anything, his tone seems to communicate the opposite of his words. 

“No way,” Niki murmurs closer to Sunoo’s ear in false- warning, his grin still wide as ever.

And yes, he’s enjoying this. He enjoys teasing people. Particularly when _people_ are Sunoo. 

Sunoo lets the younger hold onto him as he tips the sachet’s contents into the ramen cup and then leans over the bench to pour in boiling water. 

“Nikiiii,” he whines as the younger’s weight pulls him back, limiting the mobility of his arms. 

Niki clings on, still finding the situation alarmingly funny despite the fact he’d been playing at it now for about a minute. 

(And maybe it should even feel weird at this point— wouldn’t it with any other trainee?— but it doesn’t.)

“Niki,” Sunoo says now. The word seems to hang there like a note. 

“...I’d really like to eat now.” 

Maybe Niki is imagining things, but Sunoo’s tone shifts slightly.

Niki blinks into empty space— that is, the space not full of Sunoo’s neck and the back of his soft hair. 

_Oh, right._

He unlatches himself and takes a step back, but not far enough he realises, as Sunoo turns to properly look at him, leaning one hand on the bench as he looks over his shoulder. A beat passes in which the corners of Sunoo’s lips curl up, not quite smiling but… softening. That’s the only way to put it. 

Niki blinks back. Surely he’s imagining things. 

Then the elder turns back around and scoops up the cardboard ramen container, sashaying off to the table where the other trainees have congregated. 

“Eat up before we need to go back to practice,” he sings back at the younger.

Niki hovers by the bench with his arms dangling. Somehow, he is deflated, like a pricked balloon. He brushes a palm through his hair, shaking himself until he finds sense. 

_Lunch time, right._. He totters over to the pantry to find something to eat until he realises he isn’t all that hungry. So instead, he spots Taki on the couch, and skips over to him. Whining ensues. 

And of course, the strange knot in his chest, the draining of fuzzy warmth from his limbs, are just side effects of the competition. Anxiety and overexhaustion.

Niki and Sunoo are really good friends. 

Niki just enjoys doing most things that friends do with Sunoo _more_ than with anyone else. 

-x- 

Niki doesn’t tell anyone, but he was jealous when Sunoo ranked number 1. 

Jealous…. And not. 

At first he thought it was jealousy towards the position— of course, what I-LAND contestant wouldn’t want first place in the global ranking?

He remembers the conversation in Room 7-8-9 with Jake and Jungwon the night after filming episode 1 of Part 2.

Niki was sprawled on his bed in Jungkook’s modernised hanbok gift, scrolling through Youtube on one of the iPads, fully feeling the ARMY spirit as he searched for a BTS fancam to watch. 

He’d promised himself he wouldn’t over-wear the hanboks, to keep them special, but he couldn't resist just for today. Already, this season felt better than the last (mostly because of BTS; the gift, and Jung Hoseok saying he was a great dancer on national television. He’d never imagined it in his most far-flung dream.) 

“But wow, I’m still processing that Sunoo-hyung really got 2.6 million votes,” Jungwon suddenly piped up from where he was wrestling his hair dry with a towel. 

Jungwon paused the action, looking into space. “I can’t even imagine how much that is…” 

Niki stirred at the mention of Sunoo’s name, and hummed in acknowledgement. His eyes stayed glued to the i-Pad screen, where he was typing in ‘BTS J-Hope dance fancam’.

Jake padded into the room, fresh from the shower, in a black shirt and lime green sweatpants. 

“What are we talking about?” he piped up, running a hand through his damp hair. 

“Jungwon was just fanboying over Sunoo getting so many votes today,” Niki stated dryly, attention still fixed on selecting a video. 

He eventually settled on one from Fake Love era with 1.2 million views. The music started playing softly. 

Jungwon scoffed then. “I wasn’t _fanboying_ ,” he protested, “I was just saying that it’s incredible. I didn’t even know that many people watched our show. Or that Sunoo was so popular.” 

Jake nodded, walking over to his bedside table where a small crowd of product bottles were arranged. 

Niki watched Hoseok’s fluid movements, unable to comprehend how _this_ man had complimented _his_ dancing. It was absolutely insane. He would work even harder to meet his standard now he knew his sunbaenim watched their show, and _him_ specifically.

“It’s pretty amazing,” Jake agreed with a faint smile. “I was surprised it wasn’t Heeseung. Of course, Sunoo still deserved it.” 

“Of course he did,” Niki interjected from his bed, without thinking. Then, he added, more casually, “I wasn’t all that surprised.” 

Jungwon, laying on the bed now, propped himself up on one elbow. 

“Look who’s fanboying now, huh?” he teased with a smirk. Jake looked at Jungwon and mirrored the expression, as though some wordless communication passed between the two.

Niki paused the fancam to roll his eyes at Jungwon.

“I just mean he’s got that... reverse charm,” he explained. “Is that what you call it? When you’re one way off camera and another on. Sunoo-hyung is super bright and bubbly off camera but he’s totally cool on stage.” 

Jake chuckled. 

“Right,” he said, and for a moment Niki thought they’d just agree with him and leave it there, but there was something else in the other boys’ eyes.

“Anything else you wanna add, Niki?” Jungwon sang from his sideways pose. 

Niki paused. 

“He deserved it,” he eventually said, shrugging. And then in a lower voice, “He would’ve been my pick.” 

The two other boys giggled. 

“Ooooh,” they cooed. 

Niki averted his eyes to the screen quickly now. He could feel the tips of his ears burning, and he didn’t even understand _why_.

“Shutup,” he grumbled. 

He dropped the i-Pad since ignoring them wasn’t doing anything, and sent a pillow flying at Jungwon’s head. 

“You guys are just jealous of Sunoo-hyung,” Niki protested, voice raising. 

It only made them laugh more. 

“I mean,” Jake finally said, recovering himself, “Who wouldn't’ be? Even Heeseung, the humblest of the humble, was disappointed he wasn’t number 1.” 

“Hey hyung, aren’t _I_ the humblest?” Jungwon griped, before dissolving into laughter again with Jake.

Niki puzzled over the laughing pair. 

“I guess I was jealous too…” Niki trailed off. 

_But was he?_. He tried to imagined himself in the first position and Sunoo in his ninth, and his gut twisted. 

No. That wasn’t right. 

It wasn’t until later in the night when he, impulsively, clicked on Sunoo’s ‘FIRE’ fancam with 259k views and 2.8k comments, that Niki realised. What he was jealous of wasn’t Sunoo being number 1. 

It was the fact that Kim Sunoo was now everyone’s _Kim Sunoo_. Not just that, but the little things about Sunoo that endeared him to Niki— his bright, clear laughter, his bashfulness, his easy affection, his slight dimples, his voice— they were _everyone’s_ now too. They had been for a long time, Niki just hadn’t realised it. 

He hadn’t realised that he’d made Sunoo special, and unique, in his eyes; a version of Kim Sunoo that was just his.

And he didn’t want to share that version of Sunoo with just anyone— or rather, everyone.

-x-

The days before the first challenge pass like seconds. 

The night before their first unit evaluation of Part 2, Niki can’t sleep. Or if he does, it’s very little, and poorly, like waking and rest were playing tug of war over his body. 

He comes to some point after midnight and, without anything to do and sleep teetering out of reach for now, walks down to the bathroom. 

The I-LAND facility is polished and clinical in the day and the night. Despite the ‘ghost’ scare during the first season (Niki had cracked up watching back the episodes where he’d been in the Ground, and the I-LAND boys, particularly Jay, died over spooky stories and imagined noises)— there is nothing frightening about I-LAND’s stark, pragmatic lines, the covering of white on each surface like a layer of snow. 

If anything, the most frightening part was the _bareness_ of it all. Like living in a hotel. Each blank wall, block coloured furniture piece, or tech gadget was a reminder that this indeed _was not home_. 

And Niki, despite knowing he needs to be here, wants to go home. 

He pads into the bathroom, and hangs his head over a wash basin. He runs warm water, and splashes it over his face. His features look strange in the dark, the shadows under his eyes and the dips of his temples deeper and sharper, as though he were more seeing the shape of his skull itself, the skin stretched over it grotesquely. 

Niki feels like he’s losing himself the longer he stares at the mirror. 

And yet he can’t stop.

Then suddenly, the image vanishes. 

Cold light floods the room, stinging his eyes. 

His first thought is someone followed him from his room; he turns around, disoriented.

And then a wave of deja vu hits him. 

Sunoo, again. A mirror, again. Past midnight, again. 

_Sunoo again_.

“Why do we keep meeting like this?” Sunoo asks, his lips teetering on a smile. 

His hair is fluffed up from sleep. He’s in a white tee a few shades lighter than his skin.

Then he catches Niki’s expression, and that smile vanishes. “Oh shit, are you okay, Niki?” 

Is he okay? Niki doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to say the truth, _”No, but maybe now that you’re here,”_ either. He couldn’t. 

“I don’t know,” he replies. Then adds, “And yeah, we should really stop meeting like this.” 

Niki smiles, but it’s wobbly. He feels the realness of himself, more there than he was before. 

But there’s still something missing, and that something is home. So many miles away, so much water to cross. His chest aches for it like an open wound amplified by the stress of the competition. 

And before Niki knows it, his cheeks are wet. 

“Oh,” Sunoo blurts, and then he’s in front of him in a second, and Niki is burying his cheek into Sunoo’s shoulder, where it fits perfectly. 

Sunoo is the perfect height to hug, he registers faintly. 

“It’s okay,” hushes Sunoo. “Niki, it’s okay, shit.” 

He’s never heard Sunoo swear. Actually, Niki thinks he hears the crack in Sunoo’s voice, but doesn’t pull back to check as he gulps down his own tears. God, he didn’t even know where they came from. 

They stay like that in the bathroom light for what seems like a long time. 

The thing is, Niki is young but he’s always felt older. He’s used to being the one who comforts others, not the other way around. 

And yet, Sunoo is warm and smells like strawberries. (Probably some lotion that Mnet sent them). 

And yet, Sunoo is here, comforting him for a second or third time— he’s lost count. 

And no matter how Niki feels about Sunoo in his tangled mess of emotions, right now they fit together perfectly. 

-x-


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More I-LAND, more sunki, but this time it's Sunoo's POV. (Also, I'll be fast tracking the I-LAND stuff after this since the show is over so I'm sorry if I miss a few cute moments)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOO ENHYPEN DEBUT!!!! i just realised i haven't updated this in a month... honestly was thinking for a while it would just end as it did but alas, we have a wholeass sunki in a debuting group and alot of new moments too... so here we go <3

There are nights when Kim Sunoo can’t sleep. 

It started when he arrived at I-LAND. And despite the fact practice usually sapped every ounce of energy from him, knocking him out halfway before he even set foot in his bedroom, some nights he would lie awake listening to the breathing of the other boys in the room, overpowered only by the sound of his own thoughts. 

Like: who would make it, and who inevitably wouldn’t? 

Would _he_ make it, despite all his shortcomings? Despite the fact he was a regular student just a year ago? (It feels like a different lifetime.) 

And worst of all, Sunoo wonders if he deserves it all. Not just debut, but the intense love from global voters he’d received during Part 2 so far. 

He still remembers the way his mind short circuited when his name was announced in episode one as first place, the way his heartbeat grew louder as each popular member was crossed off leaving only him and Daniel.

So this— all of _this_ — is what forces Sunoo out of bed night after night to wander the I-LAND dorms. 

It’s what inevitably leads him to Niki, not just once but twice. And it’s Niki who, somehow, (it seems like he does nothing in particular, or maybe Sunoo just can’t put his finger on it) leads him back to his bedroom, back to that long desired sleep, maybe not directly but through his presence.

Weeks pass since the DNA test, and since Sunoo and Niki hugged in the bathroom. 

They don’t talk about it the next day or any day after. It’s not necessarily _awkward_ or anything, but it doesn’t feel like something they can just bring up in front of the other members. 

Sunoo tries to figure out if they’re closer, somehow. 

The answer is, well— maybe.

But Niki gets harder to read every day, and Sunoo isn’t sure why.

Like when they’re sitting on the floor of the practice room for Dive Into You, taking a breather, and Niki catches Sunoo’s eyes on him (not that Sunoo is staring, not after Niki has just redefined the word dance in a baggy T-shirt and sweats at 2 in the afternoon and Sunoo can’t quite look away)— and Sunoo will hold his breath for a second, not quite sure what he’s hoping for, before Niki looks away. 

Niki is hard for him to read— and it’s odd now, because _Sunoo_ is the one who gets all the attention these days while Niki— phenomenal, show-stopping, one in a million performer Niki (at least in Sunoo’s eyes)— seems to lose some of the fire he had in the first half of the show. 

Of course, his movements are still tight and precise and shimmering to watch, but his ranking dwindles with DNA, and then, when he hits a sweet spot with Dive Into You, it’s not even the producers choosing but the global voters. Sunoo is frustrated for him. Wants better for him, and even tells him so, one day when they’re sitting alone together on the lounges. 

“But only I can do better for myself, hyung,” is Niki’s reply, as he wrings his fingers in his hands.

Sunoo grabs for one of them, playing with Niki’s fingers. Warm. 

“This is down to me,” says Niki. “Don’t worry yourself about it.” He cracks a goofy smile, but it’s not convincing to Sunoo, who’s seen his real one too many times to count. 

Now all the I-LANDERS are lazing around the living room, about a week before the semi-final. They’re worked to the bone, craving some diversion from the numbing cycle of practice, eat, sleep. 

It starts with Jay tossing his empty water bottle on the floor in front of the lounges. A few members are finishing their meals at the dining table, others sprawled on the lounge talking, watching youtube on the ipads, toying with the strings of their hoodies. 

Heeseung, Jungwon and Daniel sit in a sketchy circle on the floor, the latter two clutching their stomachs through fits of laughter as Heeseung impersonates Sungdeuk and Doobu, before moving onto the I-LANDERS as prey (Jay being one). 

At first the motion seems like Jay jabbing back at Heeseung, the bottle landing in the middle of the circle. But then Jay jumps off the lounge and plonks on the floor. 

“Yah, guys,” he asserts. 

The other three take a moment to come to their senses. Jungwon wipes a tear off his face.

“Sorry hyung,” he sings, “it’s kind of hard to take you seriously right now.” 

Jay groans, resting his head in one hand for a moment before he recovers, clearing his throat and sitting up. 

“Have you played spin the bottle before?” he announces.

Jay tosses the bottle up a centimetre and catches it. 

Sunoo had been watching the situation out of the corner of his eye, only half-focused. He’s lying on the lounge on his stomach, feet kicking in the air as he stares at the iPad. 

Niki is sitting right by his legs, leaning against them ever so slightly every time he rears back to laugh with Jake and Sunghoon. 

“Oooh,” exclaims Sunoo. “I’ve heard of it in American movies!” He rolls to the side to face Jay and Co.

The four faces turn his way. 

“It seems fun!” he adds, sitting up and putting the iPad to one side. Jay raises an eyebrow. 

To be honest, Sunoo doesn’t quite know what spin the bottle comprises, just that he’s in a fidgety mood. 

“Are we playing?” 

Heeseung nods slowly, lifting his hand into the air, “I’ve actually played too,” he says. “A long time ago, in middle school.” 

Jay laughs and nods. “To be honest, same,” he says, slapping palms with Heeseung. 

“Isn’t that game kinda…. old?” Jungwon chips in.

There’s a mischievous glint in his eye, even as he fiddles quite innocently with his hoodie strings. 

_“Yang Jungwon I’m only 2 years old than you! 2 years!"_ shouts Jay.

This has everyone cackling, including Jake, Sunghoon and Niki, who’d stopped talking to tune into the conversation. 

K and Hanbin materialise from the kitchen seemingly on cue at the mention of age. 

After some more light jabbing, Jay has them sitting in a circle like it’s a dance formation.

“Wait,” interrupts Niki, who had wordlessly sat himself next to Sunoo. 

All eyes settle on him. 

“I’m confused,” says the second youngest. He pulls his hoodie off his head, ruffling his hair so it doesn’t spike up everywhere.

“We spin the bottle, it lands on someone, and then…..” he trails off. “What do we do?”

K, Hanbin, and Heeseung all exchange a look, snickering softly. Jay pressed his lips together.

“Oh, yeah,” he scratches the back of his head. “I was getting to that. 

“You have to kiss the nearest person on your right. It could be a small peck on the cheek. Or, you know.” 

A symphony of groans are elicited from around the room from the younger members. 

Sunoo squeaks. _A kiss? With one of the boys here?_.

“You’re kidding,” mumbles Park Sunghoon. 

Jake buries his face in Sunghoon’s shoulder.

Niki falls backwards dramatically, making Sunoo laugh abruptly, one palm coming up to cover his mouth while the other reaches to Niki’s hand to tug him. 

“Oh come on,” he teases, “A kiss on the cheek isn’t that bad.” 

Niki lifts his head up to eye Sunoo, before dropping back dead. 

Sunoo pats his stomach with a “tsk” sound.

(But maybe it’s his own stomach that needs some calming). 

They spin the bottle. Everyone holds their breath, but eventually it lands on Jake, who yells like he’s been shot and falls back. Sunghoon, on his right, laughs before realising the dire situation, and half-way sprints out of the room before the others yell at him to come back. 

There’s a lot of squirming and Jay and Daniel have to even push their heads in the same direction at one point, some of the members watching secretly through the gaps between their fingers, the others straight up staring, intrigued. 

Eventually Jake kisses Sunghoon on the cheek. 

Chaos erupts. Niki buries his face into Sunoo’s shoulder. Sunghoon dives away and wipes his hand across his cheek. Jake punches the air and shouts. Sunoo watches them all, laughing and clapping his hands. Okay, perhaps he’s enjoying this a little bit too much. 

The bottle spins.

Jay and K. A cheek kiss before K chaotically turns his head to face Jay at the last second.

The bottle spins. 

K and Heeseung.

The bottle spins.

Niki and Jungwon. Sunoo might be hallucinating but he could swear Jungwon’s ears are pinker by the end of it. 

Sunoo feels odd. 

The bottle spins.

“Kim Sunoooooo!” yells Heeseung. 

“A kiss with Korea’s number 1 pick!” Sunghoon says, pretending to swoon.

“Poor Niki,” interrupts Hanbin, “he just had to kiss Jungwon. Now Sunoo has to kiss him.”

And this. 

_Oh_. Sunoo thinks. And then, blankness. 

But before either of them can make a move— “Oh shit guys!” 

All eyes go to K. 

“What?” they respond in chorus. 

“We have mid-way evaluation like tomorrow morning,” he blurts. 

“It’s eleven pm!” Jay interrupts, glancing up from one of the iPads.

And they’re all clambering over each other, secretly sighing in relief, picking up iPads and hoodies from lounges and chairs. 

Sunoo realises too late that he may be the only one who doesn’t quite feel that way, quite so relieved, as he maybe should. 

-x-


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunoo is just about as triggered by Niki's Flame On stage as I-LAND viewers, and they share a .... moment. Or, Niki is suddenly a confident gay and Sunoo gay panics. 
> 
> (Also i PROMISE this will be the second last I-LAND chapter, the finale and stuff will be next chapter so we can move onto ENHYPEN sunki)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone please explain why I don't update this for a whole MONTH and then return with 2 chapters in 2 consecutive days. Beats me. 
> 
> BIG SPECIAL THANKS TO: sunki (duh) for posting _two_ selcas today and declaring 24/9 #Sunki day. Yeah they know about sunki everybody stay calm. 
> 
> I also really miss writing in Niki's perspective (sorry Sunoo) but now I've made it so it alternates, ugh. Anyway, thank you so much for all the wonderful comments it really means so much to me!

The semi- finals dawn, and Sunoo feels everything as though he’s on fire; the stage lights on his skin, the pulse of the music, the thick anxiety in the air as the rankings are announced.

This is it, he thinks, as he finishes his thank you speech for rank three. This is the second last stepping stone of a three month journey to his dreams, that faint mirage that had shimmered in the distance for so long suddenly solidifying, becoming something graspable. 

Most of all though, he notices Niki— who really _is_ on fire, ranking 2nd and receiving immense praise from the judges. 

Sunoo swells with pride like they’re his own compliments. He wants to rush over and hug the younger and tell him how much he deserves it. 

But most of all he wants to replay the few moments Niki was on stage for himself. 

He doesn’t think too much about what that means. After all, he’s a teenage boy. (They all are).  
As much as ILAND forces them to appeal to an idol-fit image of purity, playfulness, and onstage perfection, they’re no different from other teenage boys too; changing physically and emotionally— and above all else, pretty horny. 

Except, in mainstream Korean media, desire and romance, at least among men, reflexively fell onto the pronoun of ‘she’. Questions about dating always circulated a man’s ideal type of girl; or who they’d introduce their sister to among a group of boys. 

Sunoo didn’t question it openly, but he’d thought about it. 

Kim Sunoo, maybe to some peoples’ disbelief, had been one of the top students in his highschool class. 

He thought often; for instance, what was it that had made him so appealing to global voters; what was his own personal charm, and how did he make the most of it? 

Or, when he was choosing the team for Chamber 5, including Park Sunghoon; how did he form the perfect team?

Thinking was part of survival too after all, and maybe Sunoo was ILAND’s secret brain behind a pretty face.

But thinking also led to problems for him. Sometimes, Sunoo wished he could turn off his brain completely. Especially thoughts about certain people. 

The world is numb, indistinct just before Sunoo fully wakes. In the first few weeks of ILAND, he’d forget entirely about the reality show in those moments. He’d believe he was at home, in his own bed, prior to a normal day of school, where he’d be a student and nothing more. 

There are fleeting moments when Sunoo wishes for normalcy to return. But then he remembers how much he loves being an idol, or almost one; the flush of joy that being on stage and entertaining people brings him. 

“Sunoo. Wake up.” 

Reality, sunken in sleep, rushes to the surface all at once. 

He cracks open an eye, wincing at the light falling through the door from the rest of the ILAND complex. That's one thing he’ll never get used to here; the constant artificial, white light. 

Then a face covers his line of sight. 

“Jay hyung, do you even _sleep_ ,” Sunoo mumbles, groaning softly and burying his face in a pillow. 

He hears the figure chuckle— and his heart skips a beat. 

Because the chuckle sounds nothing like Jay. 

Is he really awake? He wonders, shifting slightly in the bed. 

Probably not. It’s probably a spectre from his dreams. A figment of his subconscious. 

“Sunooooo-hyung,” the figure says now in a low, sleepy voice that plucks on something inside him. 

As Sunoo opens his mouth to respond, he feels body-weight crush him from the top. 

“Yah!” he shrieks. 

So, definitely real, he figures. Definitely not a dream. 

“What would you do if I never got up?” says the person on top of him, and he can hear their cheeky, shit-eating grin— almost see it.

Sunoo huffs, squirming. “I’d do this-” he begins. 

And then suddenly, he turns over and he’s face to face with the own of the body on top of him. 

“—Oh,” Sunoo, finishes, cutting off as the words die in his mouth. 

Yes, the person is real, and solid, and…. 

Sunoo sees Niki’s face like it’s all in HD, zoomed in tight; long eyelashes and the mole under his right eye, face and lips slightly puffy with sleep, the mole on his chin. 

“Morning,” Niki breathes after a moment, grinning right up in Sunoo’s face.

And Sunoo feels on fire again. 

Actually, he would be lying if he said he hadn’t _stopped_ feeling that way since Flame On’s performance, since seeing Niki tear up the stage in that leather jacket, since Niki had pinched his cheek the other day at the dining room table and looked at him like was about to kiss him. 

Now though, Sunoo groans and pushes Niki off. 

“YOU’RE SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME,” he laments, voice rising in pitch. The other boy yelps as he goes flying off the side of the bed. 

Sunoo sits up in the bed, shooting daggers at the forlorn, hoodie-wearing figure now sprawled on the ground. 

“Did you wake up early just to torment me?” Sunoo demands, crossing his arms. 

Niki laughs. It’s then Sunoo notices that the other beds in the room are empty. 

“Wait, what time is it?” 

Niki, standing, leaps for the end of Sunoo’s bed. “You slept in but the hyungs felt bad waking you,” he replies, pushing his hoodie off his head. “It’s past nine.” 

Sunoo gasps. “What?” 

It was the day before their final stages today. The final day to practice before the round that would determine whether he had a chance to debut or not. 

Sunoo is so busy panicking it takes him a moment to notice Niki still sitting at the end of the bed, staring intently at him. 

Their eyes meet, and Sunoo gulps, expecting the younger boy to look away. 

But Niki tilts his head. His hand lifts. Before the elder realises what’s happening, Niki pinches Sunoo’s cheek. 

It’s not painful or anything, but Sunoo feels like he’s been shocked. 

“Yah,” Sunoo blurts, touching his cheek. “What was that for?” 

“Oh nothing,” says Niki, face blank. Then he smirks. “Your cheeks were just red.” 

Sunoo’s hands fly up to cover his face. “Not true,” he shoots back. 

Niki springs off the bed, giggling. “Sure thing.” 

“You forgot to use honorifics this morning too!” Sunoo replies, trying to inject warning into his tone. “Don’t think I didn’t notice, Niki!” 

Niki skips off across the bedroom, “Whatever you say Sunoo _hyung_ ,” he calls over his shoulder. 

Sunoo runs to the bathroom once Niki is gone and splashes his face with cold water.

Surviving I LAND was one thing. Surviving a new Nishimura Riki who knew how to tease him was another story entirely that Sunoo did not want to contemplate.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let's debut together, Niki." 
> 
> Or its the I-LAND finale, and Niki wants to debut with everyone, but Sunoo the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooo here's to me not doing my uni assignments, writing this in between my work breaks, and being sad bc of the niki drought (a drought of like, one day, but still).
> 
> NEXT CHAPTER WILL FOCUS ON ENHYPEN SUNKI'S PREDEBUT ACTIVITIES YAY!
> 
> THANK YOU FOR ALL THE COMMENTS THEY MAKE MY DAY HONESTLY :333

When Niki was nine he chose his stage name. 

As he announced it proudly at the dance studio his parents owned one morning, there were amused looks from the older kids; hair- ruffles and fond smiles. Yes, little Riki being eccentric again. Just like his obsession with Michael Jackson. 

But still, beneath it all, they knew, because they’d seen him dance. They understood. 

Because when people saw Niki dance, they were struck by a simple fact; that the boy standing before them was the beginning of something bigger than that particular moment, or stage, or room— even if that something wasn’t quite clear yet.

The way Niki danced was simply…. different. 

And for Niki, wearing his new name was a starting point too. If dance was his reason for living, then Niki was the person he wanted to become in that life. 

Nishimura Riki was always used to being the best _at dance_. 

No matter what happened at I-LAND, some part of him had still believed he’d debut because of that. 

But Niki from ILAND had grown used to ranking low.

There was a moment, right before Taki was eliminated, that Niki had simply let go and waited to not make the cut. 

Then, he’d wondered if he’d missed something along the way, some vital piece of information, because every other ILANDER had worn the debut badge by now— except him. 

He’d felt so alone, so far from home, so far from Niki, the boy who had created the name, despite _being_ Niki, the boy known by more people around the world now than ever before.

Sunoo had comforted him. The others had comforted him. 

But it wasn’t quite enough. 

Then one week later, he’s under bright stage lights again for Flame On, beneath a panel of judges again, and his heart is racing and his body is vibrating and he feels as euphoric as he always does after performing— and that’s when he realises he hasn’t lost anything at all, really. 

This is who he is; a dancer after the show still soaring on a stage high, a small boy from Japan leaning towards the bright lights of Seoul, an I-LAND semi finalist staring the team behind BTS in the face, and them telling him he was amazing. Like they knew he had it in him all along.

Time blurs together like the sky above a playground swing as you fling yourself into it, then drop back to the ground. 

Suddenly, it’s the finale. 

The performances are over. Niki is beyond thinking of rankings, or global voters, or the way he performed tonight (he doesn’t even remember because it flashed by in seconds). 

Heck, he can barely concentrate on the fact that _BTS_ , his idols, are literally right there watching him. 

All he wishes is that he could remain like this, nine of them, forever. 

Backstage, he catches Sunoo’s eye as the pre-recorded content rolls over just before they’re called out for the debut lineup announcement. 

Wordlessly, the other boy slips his hand into Niki’s. Squeezes it. 

Maybe it’s the adrenaline, but Niki is met with a film reel of the moments they’d spent together in I-LAND. 

Sunoo grinning and introducing himself to Niki after the entry evaluation, as Niki nodded and replied shyly, his Korean far less fluent than now, Sunoo’s smile new and dazzling. Sunoo cheering him on for the dance unit in Part 1; Sunoo finding him before the BTS test in the practice rooms that one night; Sunoo feeding him bites of his own dinner, Sunoo complaining when Niki was being clingy, Sunoo being, well, Sunoo— bubbly and caring and selfless and stupidly _gorgeous_ .... 

(But Niki doesn’t like boys. Or is it Riki Nishimura? These days he can’t find the lines between the two, whether Niki has become more like Riki or Riki has dissolved entirely into Niki.  
Maybe he’s too young to understand that he can be both.) 

Niki remembers one night when he and Sunoo had been practicing late for the finale, ‘Calling’. 

Actually, Niki had replayed it endlessly without telling anyone, taking it out like a photograph and turning it around in his mind for comfort. As they sat facing each other, bone-tired but still pumped up from the music, the words had finally spilt out of his lips; 

“I want to debut with you more than anyone, hyung.” 

There was a moment when Niki had held his breath. Almost feared what Sunoo would say. 

The thing is, Niki _knows_ he can be impulsive and a little daring sometimes— it’s what makes him so good on stage— but sometimes he blurs lines that shouldn’t be blurred because heck, he can’t be bothered polite vagueness. 

But Sunoo makes him second guess his principles. Maybe because he really does care about what he thinks and says now.

After a beat, Sunoo’s face broke into a smile. Not just a Sunoo smile, thought Niki, but something even warmer if that were possible. The smile Sunoo reserved especially for…. for… 

“You too, Niki,” he’d replied, resting his hand on Niki’s shoulder and squeezing it. 

Niki’s chest had soared with something completely different to a stage high, but not at all unfamiliar. 

Of course he doesn’t vocalise this part— he’s not _that_ out of it. And he thinks it’s not exactly something Sunoo would smile at. Niki winces at the notion. 

Then Niki falls back into this moment. This last, perfect, untouchable moment in which the world of I-LAND still exists in the present tense, and he is a part of it. A moment like glass. 

In the dim lights of backstage, its Sunoo who now says it softly:

“Lets debut together, Niki.”

And that’s all that matters. 

Niki nods, squeezing Sunoo’s hand back, the thought of spending more months— the defining years of his life possibly— with the elder, flooding his mind as he allows himself to dream for a second… 

(When Niki is announced Rank 4 he feels everything as though he’s just been pulled out of thick, sluggish water; the lights blinding, the cheers of the others ear-splitting, reality like a siren wailing down a road. He breaks down, and the first person he falls on is Sunoo. 

Always Sunoo. 

He cannot believe it, and yet he must— yes, there’s a mic being pushed into his hand and he’s saying thank you even though he’s not even sure what it’s for... 

When the final member is between Sunoo and K, Niki feels like the universe has played a cruel trick on everyone, but maybe especially him and the two boys who mean so much to him. Without whom he maybe wouldn’t have survived I-LAND in one piece. But although Niki will debut, he can’t have everything. It’s not the first time he’s been taught that chasing your dreams is bittersweet.) 

__

_”Let’s debut together Niki,”says Sunoo_......

__

…...And they do.

__


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niki realises he is whipped as fuck. Niki panics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 6 FINALLY ! I'm sorry I've been so busy with uni and kind of didn't write this for a while so this chap's a little bit longer. 
> 
> In this chapter Niki, the dumbass he is, finally has a revelation (no surprise as to what it is). 
> 
> But, like the dumbass he is, probably won't do anything to stop the endless pining.
> 
> (just fixed a typo- should be JAY not Jake solo in the cooking comp lol)

Life after I-LAND is not what any of the seven expect it to be.

Well, to be fair, they’ve never experienced anything like it—fame or idol life— before. 

Niki supposes that leaving I-LAND is a lot like starting a new chapter of his life. But he also hasn’t debuted yet. It is an odd, in-between stage.

A stage where he, primarily, _feels_ different for the first time. Not a fundamental shift in the aerodynamics of the world. No, something more subtle than that, that he can’t put his finger on. 

It really hits him on their first vlive as a group. Hundreds of thousands of viewers, the numbers and hearts trickling up in real time for him to watch. He’d never had the liberty of experiencing it filming I-LAND; of watching himself quite literally become famous, in real time.

It’s almost surreal. For example, ss he introduces himself to the camera propped on a table before the seven of them, a staff member standing behind to supervise, and introduces himself as _ENHYPEN_ ‘s Ni-ki. Or when he tweets a selfie and the like count climbs in seconds.

All the signs tell Niki something has changed, and maybe it’s easy to confuse that with the notion that _he_ himself has irrevocably changed. 

Except they haven’t— because some things never do. 

Some things never do— like staying up for hours with the lights off, talking into the night with the other members in their shared dorm about all their anxieties, depending on who’s the last to fall asleep.

(Niki usually stays awake for most of it, which is why he finds it so hard to wake up in the mornings). 

Some things never do— like Sunoo in a hoodie with bed hair at 8am smiling at him across the table in their dorms, oblivious to the smear of milk on his top lip, and Niki leaning in to swipe it off with his thumb before he thinks about what he’s doing, telling himself the red flooding Sunoo’s cheeks and neck are just coincidental as he pulls away and resumes eating his cereal. 

Niki didn’t know what to expect of…… this. 

“This” being all the extra time spent together with the six others, un-interrupted by insane, intensive rehearsal schedules for weekly performances or by team groupings and the ranked room system. 

He’d worried, maybe, he’ll find some of them a bit annoying after a while, being fourteen and technically in his slamming-door phase and all. 

But what he hadn’t considered were the possible consequences of spending so much extra time with one Kim Sunoo.

(That’s to say, almost every waking minute). 

He’d thought it was nothing. This… thing. 

(Is it a thing?)

(It’s definitely a thing.)

In I-LAND it had been a murmuring, maybe. Something that lingered just on the surface. Something who’s potential for _more_ was somehow both frightening and exciting. 

He realises now, with every moment he and Sunoo end up alone together (accidental and not) that maybe because during the show he _knew_ nothing could…. happen, since they had cameras on them 24/7, not to mention they were always busy. 

That’s to say— well, nothing would’ve, could’ve, _will_ happen anyway, right? 

Because what Niki feels is just… deep platonic appreciation. Sunoo had comforted him at his lowest points. Sunoo was Korea’s It-boy. Sunoo was light and Niki was a dark horse. 

Sunoo is also maybe Riki Nishimura’s best friend right now. 

“What are you thinking of right now?” asks Sunoo, one of the times they end up alone together in the dorm bedroom. 

It’s really not Niki’s fault Jay had decided to cook Soondubu soup and somehow entangled Jake, Sunghoon, Heeseung and Jungwon in a fully-fledged cooking competition (teams of two, Jay solo of course) after Heeseung challenged that his ramen was better than Jay’s soup, and Jake and Sunghoon stated that they were BOTH better cooks than the elders. 

Sunoo and Niki, disasters in the kitchen as they were, had politely declined. (Okay, maybe the other members had quite literally deposited them in the bedroom and shut the door. Not without a snicker from Jungwon though, whatever that meant.)

At Sunoo’s question, Niki twists his head from facing the underside of the top bunk, to the floor where Sunoo is sprawled on a beanbag with his phone, though now it’s turned off in his lap and he’s staring at Niki. 

“How little faith the members have in our cooking abilities that it’s almost offensive,” he replies flatly. 

Sunoo grins, and then, dramatically, pretends to look lamentful.

“It really _is_ rude of them. They even shut the door on us.”

“Truly,” Niki agrees, his lips twitching, propping his head on his elbow as his gaze fastens on Sunoo. 

“Jungwon betrayed the maknae line,” Sunoo adds, but his mouth is also curling with amusement. 

Niki lets out a giggle in unison with Sunoo. 

The truth is, Niki hadn’t been thinking about the other members at all, only the way Sunoo had been on his phone for 20 minutes and Niki, for some reason, was desperate to talk to him; he couldn’t figure out why, because they spent everyday together, and this thought trajectory led him into a downward spiral about what he mentally called _the Kim Sunoo thing_. And then, irrationally, he’d imagined the elder could hear every thought in his mind.

“Oh my god I have an idea!” Sunoo exclaims suddenly, causing Niki to almost levitate off the bed with surprise. 

“What?” He manages back. 

“It’s the 24th of September,” says Sunoo. “24/9.”

Sunoo looks at Niki, tilts his head as if to prompt him to finish the thought.

Niki’s brow furrows. One second. Two seconds. 

“Oh!” the younger exclaims, springing up in the bed to upright and almost banging his head. 

“It’s…… your birthday and mine!” says Niki. “It’s us day!” he adds, barely managing not to stutter. 

Sunoo smiles at him so warmly then. 

And Niki’s brain does that silly thing where it tries to convince him that Sunoo smiles at him _differently_ which can’t be true, yet his heart still runs amuck in his chest.

“It’s us day,” Sunoo concedes. And then, casually, “we should post something on Twitter.”

Niki jumps off the bed and seats himself on the bean bag with Sunoo. 

He puts on a cap to hide his hair, and Sunoo holds up the selfie camera and snaps a few photos of them. Something about the two of them in one frame kind of is… a lot for Niki to process. He realises they haven’t really taken a lot of selfies together. 

“What are you gonna caption it?” the younger wonders out loud. 

Sunoo bites his pink lips. “Hmm… Sunoo... Niki…..” His fingers hover the keyboard. “Sunki sounds really cute.”

“Sunki?” this time Niki does stutter. He laughs, but it’s awkward even to his own ears. “Oh of course.” 

His eyes flicker over to Sunoo’s face, finding the younger boy absorbed in typing out a caption and hashtag so he doesn’t notice. They flicker away. He gulps. 

Sunoo gasps during dinner when he checks his phone, prompting Niki to look up. “Sunki is trending!” he exclaims, waving the phone at Niki and, because they’re sitting around the table, the other members too. Of course the motion is so frantic Niki doesn’t see a thing but he gasps too. 

“Really? You’re kidding,” he blurts out. 

“Wah, no way,” laughs Jake. 

“Sunki couple is the best,” declares Sunoo, reaching out for a hi-five from Niki, which the younger returns beamingly, despite himself.

Of course, some things don’t change. The only things that change, Niki realises the day later, are the way we see things. 

He’s talking to Jay during a short break in their schedule between two photoshoots, while the two of them are washing their hands in the bathroom. 

“Hyung,” Niki pipes up. 

Jay turns to him, “what’s up?” 

And where does he start? Somewhere along the lines of: the truth is I’ve been looking at those Sunki selcas for hours since we took them and there’s something about Sunoo hyung in the same frame as me that makes me want to keep us together like that, forever…….?

Yeah. Maybe not. 

Niki directs his gaze down to his hands, scrubbing them with soap as he speaks slowly. 

“What does it mean if you want to… be with someone. All the time.” 

Jay pauses, turns off the tap. He turns to Niki as he shakes his hands dry, water droplets flicking over the basin. 

“As in, all the time?”

“Even if you already spend a lot of time with them,” Niki adds, then bites his lip, worrying he’s given away too much. He glances up at Jay.

Jay looks thoughtful. “I’d say… you like being around them?” 

“Well duh,” Niki replies, pushing his hyung’s shoulder with his wet hand slightly to alleviate the tension. It doesn’t really work. 

“But you also feel kind of sick around them too,” Niki goes on. “In a good way.” 

Jay gives him an odd look as he wipes his palms on his jeans. 

“Not that I’ve had much experience,” he starts carefully. “But that sounds like a crush. Like you want to… date them.” 

Before these words have their full effect on Niki, Jay’s lips twist into a conspiring smile. 

“Yah, have you been sneaking off to meet with girls in between schedules?” He chuckles. “I’m not even surprised. Damn, wish I could say the same.”

And Niki knows he’s joking but he winces anyway, the words like blows. 

“No no!” he blurts. “Nothing like that.” _Shit_. He can feel his cheeks burning. “Just curious.” _Now Jay thinks he’s a fuck boy or something_.

Jay hums in a way that suggests he is not at all convinced, and ….. 

And then his words fully hit Niki. 

_A crush._

And oh, shit. 

Shit, shit shit. 

_Niki wants to be with Sunoo._

Niki likes Sunoo, a boy. Is Niki gay? He can’t remember having crushes on boys per-se before, not like his crushes on girls, but then, was that only because adults and other kids made a bigger fuss when it was a girl, automatically assumed it was romantic? 

But it explains the way he feels around the elder. Like… like his entire world is spinning, expect for Sunoo, a still point in the middle of it all. 

Niki wants to hold Sunoo’s hands and cuddle with him and more. Maybe he wants to … to kiss hi—

He’s pretty sure he’s straight up frozen and malfunctioned in front of the wash basin. Jay gives him a funny look but Niki doesn’t even notice it. 

Niki wants to _date_ Sunoo, his group mate. 

Niki is fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter for ENHYPEN content! @gaydiscoclub
> 
> also sorry if the quality of writing has deteriorated, I'm trying my best but I can't spend as much time on this now because of uni work :(


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